Up until yesterday, for the last few weeks since our holiday I have truly been feeling not happy. Really just not happy. My hubby and kids paid for it and I am sorry about that and plan to amend it. I can not explain exactly why, but so be it. I feel "mothered out". I feel absolutely unmotivated about my work. And then I feel like I have very little left but work and kids and hubby and home to take care of.
I know that Lucy being on sick leave and the mountains of washing is a factor.
I also know that Little Man L's very bad sleeping has both Hunter and me exhausted.
I know that his issues and us having to deal with them has put extra stress on the whole family.
I know that us having a tummy bug knocked us back.
I know that not being able to pick up the phone and phone my bud Hesti, fellow twin mom who has been there, done that, is a factor.
I know that feeling that I have very few "girl" friends left is a factor.
I know that the the lack of a support network is really a problem in our lives.
I also know that the dark wolf of depression is standing in the corner growling at me - and I know it is possibly stress and definitely season related.
Then a few things happened in the last 3 days that have started to turn things around for me.
I just could not find my ID and searching high and low really tipped me over about how chaotic things are in the house and how I really need to purge. I am starting on that today - in fact, did a small bit yesterday. I am already feeling better.
Hunter booked a facial for me on Saturday morning - bless his soul, and I am going to the hairdresser later that day. A pick-up for any girl.
In a month's time I am going to spend a lovely long weekend in the Drakensberg with my mom, my daughter, my cousin and my mom's friend and her granddaughter. It is going to be fun and relaxed and I am going to sleep. I have to thank my hubby for this.
Hesti emailed me - firstly giving me some advice and just telling me she knows what I am feeling. But also about her life now - and gosh yes, I am ok. She needs my support too. Amongst other things she told me what I knew - I need something outside of the house - an interest, where other woman are too. What, I need to decide but I have a few ideas.
My friend Elaine phoned me out of the blue for lunch today - it was so good to see her. So good to talk to her and to discover that indeed, she feels a lot the same.
I have also realized that no exercising is a huge mistake. I need those endorphins.
I am a bit of a "mars" person- I need to take action about things. I tend to procrastinate, and then, when I know what the issue is, I need to move ahead. So I am working on project "Be Happy" at present and I intend to make a list and work on it. For tonight, it will be to go to bed really early, but do one bit of de-cluttering somewhere where I can see and enjoy it.
My question is, looking at a few blogposts over the last week here to name just one as an example, and it seems as if a lot of moms feel the pressure. Do you?