Friday, 25 March 2011

A true friend is like a good bra, hard to find, lifts you up, gives you support and always close to your heart.

Today I find myself unable to concentrate - work is slow and interrupted - by phone calls, emails and mostly by my frustrated mind. I am slowly getting the feeling I should just give up on trying to work. Just do the basics and plod through this afternoon's meetings.

You see my BFF Hesti for the last 23 years is leaving today for Canberra Australia. For 3 years or forever. Who knows if you have not done it before, taken the plunge and moved your whole life there, would you move it back? Gosh, my writing is as confused as my mind.

We met on the first day we went for the selection process to study architecture way back in 1987. We quickly formed a group of friends and stayed connected through our years of study. She finished a year ahead of me, finishing her course in the minimum time while a nasty car accident on the day that our 3rd year exams started resulted in me not completing my one main subject and finishing a year later..
In our personal lives, things ran on completely different time schedules and scales - resulting in us spending a lot of time together as friends, but not necessarily including partners. She got married the year after she finished studying and I was honored to be at her side for the day. I was as single as can be. Later as she was enjoying those wonderful first years of marriage, my relationship at the time fell apart. She was supportive, as always. The many years of single life followed for me and although we both had our own circles of friends, the two of us stayed in touch, stayed close and always supportive. Just as I met Hunter their daughter was born and at our wedding, Hesti just found out she was pregnant again. I remember bumping into them in Brooklyn Mall at the movies a couple of weeks later - Hesti in tears after finding out it was twins. I never knew that she would find me the same, on her doorstep about 6 years later, also expecting twins. The truth is that we have the same "package" in life - a girl, followed by twin boys with almost the same time spacing. We both have a son that presents us with challenges. As we moved along with our parallel lives, the support has always been there, mutually I would like to think. Certainly at times, Hesti has been the best friend shoulder for me to cry on.

Today I am finding it hard to think that I will not just be able to pick up the phone and call her. Not to just meet quickly for lunch as we often do. Yes, we shall skype, we will mail and she has started a blog - Mission down under, but it can not possibly be the same.
Today I am choosing to not say goodbye - we said our goodbyes on Tuesday at lunch and yes, I cried. We both did. I am not going to the airport and I know that she is totally fine with that. In fact, I am not going to call her because I will cry. I will text her. I will say "Auf Wedersehen" as the Germans do - "Until we see each other again", not goodbye, because I simply can not say goodbye today. Hes, I will see you on the 10th of January, or very close to it. (She is coming over for a visit - does this not make is so much easier?)

Godspeed my friend. I let you go with the old Irish blessing:

“May the road rise up to meet you, may the wind be ever at your back. May the sun shine warm upon your face and the rain fall softly on your fields. And until we meet again, May God hold you in the hollow of his hand.”


  1. It’s so hard saying good-bye to a good friend when they decide to leave SA for whatever reason. I’ve done it a few times and it never gets easier but you do still remain friends and they time when you do get to see each other again is priceless and it does seem like you can just pick up from where you left. BIG ((Hugs))

  2. I wish I could give you a hug as I can read through your words how much you are hurting right now.
    I know the feeling...have been there a few times in my life and sometimes just with * friends * not even life long friends...
    Its so hard saying good bye, get ready to cry many tears....its part of the letting go process.

  3. you are both blessed to have one another - two similar souls with such a lot in common.

    you're right to not go to the airport - I hate hate HATE saying goodbye.

  4. I've done the leaving previously and it really is heart wrenching to say goodbye to a close friend.


  5. O, my friend, this must be so hard! My bff moved to capetown for three years, and that was hard enough! She's back now, and all is well, but nothing, not skype, email, texts or phonecalls, were the same as having a face to face much needed chat :(
    I'll be thinking of you, and remember you in my prayers, big (((hugs)))

  6. I wish I could hug you right now. I can feel how sad you are. I think that you are blessed to have such a fabulous friend.
    Thinking of you.xx

  7. Oh - this post makes me all teary! I too lost my best friend to perth, in November last year.
    It sux... but skype helps :) The time difference can be a challenge at times tho!
    Even more reason why WE should get together soon, with our 3 monsters x x x

  8. I have a friend like that. We have lost touch at points in our life. When reunited, we even learned that our babies, born weeks apart, even share the fact that they both have chromosome anomalies. What are the odds??

  9. Sending a big {{hug}} I hate saying goodbye too.

  10. The title of this post is perfect. Best wishes to your wonderful friend on her new adventure.

  11. This is a very hard decision to make - to leave your country of birth and all your friends and family to start a new life in a foreign country. It is one of the hardest things ever we had to do!

  12. It's crap when a friend leaves. Really crap :(

  13. I know you've been dreading her departure for some time now. I'm sorry the day finally came. I can't imagine my BFF moving away. while we don't SEE each other all the time, we talk every week and know we're not far away if/when we need each other. (We've been BFFs since i was 3 years old...our entire lifetime!)

    Hoping a visit will come sooner than later and you can keep in touch closely. I know its not the same but at least you can stay connected.


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