Friday, 13 May 2011

Just as you think you are winning, life will show you that you are possibly only winning the battle. For now.

Things have been going so well lately with Little man L and the SID issues.During the  holidays we had but small reminders of the beast it can unleash in him. Apart from the sleep and potty training issues, the rest has been going rather brilliantly. The OT is going very well, the school has reported that he has improved greatly on concentration and focus issues and he is talking up a storm - so much so that our friends has noticed.

But on Tuesday after school all hell broke loose - I guess he just had a very overstimulating and tiring day. I could see by the way that his "bad" eye drew to the side that he was really tired. It started the minute we stopped in front of the house - he jumped on his bike and was up to the driveway. Problem! Our driveway is shared between 3 houses and although the other two are aware that the kids play in it with their bikes, I will not let them play on their own. A car reversing out of a garage can easily not spot a small kid. So up I went with him to the protest of the other two who just wanted to put their stuff down before playing. But I convinced all and we spent a good 10 minutes up and down, feeding the chickens and playing in peace.

Then he wanted the tricycle which I took out of the garage. A fight ensued between the two boys who now both wanted it but I did get the turns thing started and after a minor tantrum from both, we had some peace. Eventually the Princess had to use the toilet, C wanted a snack and I had to get dinner started so I herded everybody in. Forget it - L was NOT going to go in. Firstly he insisted on parking his bike (and all the other) where his dad has to park his car. War ensued when I moved them. Then I carried him, kicking and screaming into the house and locked the door. He started running into the door. Continuously. I cut some fruit for the kids and the other two sat down to eat while I took him outside again.  Once he had all the bikes parked in Hunter's parking spot again, he came in - quite happy.

He sat down to have his fruit and I went to fix dinner. Minutes later all hell broke loose. The Princess ran into the kitchen screaming that he is going to bite her. He ran in - hugely angry with her and tried to get to her behind me. I picked him up, he bit me twice, and I tried to calm him down with deep pressure hugging. It took ages to get him calm and every time he saw her he went for her. It transpires that she took a piece of fruit off his plate - BIG PROBLEM! So, I sent her to get some more and offer to him. After many, many tears, screaming, kicking etc. her calmed down. The monster went away and our sweet little man was back. He hugged me and placed his hands around my face, kissed me. Gave me that sweetest smile and ate all his dinner - two helpings of! Bath time went well and he fell asleep on my lap while we waited for the Princess to finish her shower etc. he did not sleep well, but we also did not have the 3 hours awake in the middle of the night thing.

The issue really is not the biting -he has NEVER bitten another kid apart from his brother and sister. He has never been aggressive at school towards a single child or elsewhere at an outing. We are very aware of this when we are around other kids and maybe over compromise for it.The trigger is most certainly at home, between siblings. And tiredness and over stimulation. And do not take his food!

For me, this is not just his issue, it is our issue. A family one. Because the other two both react in their own way to this. C become a little baby - he want to be picked up (because I am holding L), whines about everything and wants to be fed and carried. So not only do I have a screaming L but a screaming C wanting attention and trying to shove his brother off my lap. The Princess tries to be the big girl, she tries to get C's attention to help me, she tries to keep out of L's sight if she was the offending party. If she was not, she tries to distract him. If she feels overwhelmed she goes to her room and play on her own. So the two of us had a long talk on Tuesday night about all this - she had questions which I tried to answer on her level. I assured her that we love them all equally and not L more because he sometimes gets more attention. I think she understands.

It boils down to dealing with this a day at a time. I am extremely positive that we are winning the war and not just the battle - but it will take some time.

28 comments:

  1. Thank you for posting this.
    I think you (and all your kids) are amazing!
    I am about to make an appointment for Aaron at the OT, will let you know what happens :)

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  2. Gina You are so kind! Hoping for the best for you guys.

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  3. Oh Cat, you are a rock star for coping with 3 at the same time. I would run to the bathroom for a time-out :)


    And I am amazed you guys can still wear shorts. Mine are in tracksuits nearly every day now.

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  4. @e0e489fc4ec6017f073ed0a9e8f2241a Nope, we are most certainly not in shorts - that photo was taken during the holidays on the South Coast, where no doubt, they are still wearing shorts.

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  5. In my complete ignorance of what SID is I first went to Google. Being a parent can't be easy, even more so from the little I've read up on SID.


    Hugs for the rough day you had.

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  6. Wow! It seems very difficult! You are handling it exceptionally well! One day at a time...
    LOve the photo! Such a sweet face! :D

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  7. @65113095ee578a6a63fc5032f3c8943d He is the sweetest child. When he is happy, he is the happiest too.

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  8. @8e4f28b7f7ce893d594efa691e0cd2c2 Thanks girl.

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  9. Cat...I can only imagine your exhaustion, but know I am still praying for you and the family. You are doing an aewsome job and I have to believe that communicating about the situation makes it a little more tollerable.

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  10. Wow. It sounds overwhelming. I also wanted to say your housse and street where you live sounds too wonderful!

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  11. Thanks Jamie Czeskleba and yes, putting it out there helps.

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  12. Susie's Homemade22 September 2011 at 15:18

    Taking it one day at a time is all you can do. Keep up the good fight:-)

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  13. I love how you see this as a family issue. Siblings DO have to learn to interact with each other and try not to "trigger" their "buttons". Sounds like you are such a good mommy!

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  14. My goodnesss I do not know how you manage. I have no words of wisdom but will certainly keep you in my prayers. I wish you strength.

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  15. I want you to know I understand. I KNOW exactly what is going on in your heart and your home. I have experienced all this and more with my Lulu. My mom can tell you some stories...and can Joanne! It does get better. I promise. You are doing everything right but I know it takes the emotional energy of a superhero to keep it all together and trying to meet the individual needs of each child while wrangling with the needy one. I wish I could take you out for coffee. But for now I can encourage you to get your hands on this book - it SAVED my LIFE and my relationship with Lulu and it helped me understand myself so much better too. Please get it!
    Raising Your Spirited Child: A Guide for Parents Whose Child Is More Intense, Sensitive, Perceptive, Persistent, Energetic [Paperback]









    Mary Sheedy Kurcinka








    (Author)

    much love xxx

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  16. I understand how overwhelming it can all be.  I'm glad he is doing better overall and hopefully it will start helping life at home settle down as well. Recognizing those signs early is definitely going to be helpful for you! good luck..

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  17. This post really touched me deeply...the way you are handling the situation is admirable and so very loving.  I realise how much this affects the family as a whole...and you probably know that a time will be coming shortly where you will have to spend one-on-one time with the other two to compensate for them also having to give up so much of their "mommy time".  Sending you a great big hug...wish I could BE there for you.

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  18. The mind boggles at your mom-role, sweetie!
    Strongs to you and yes, with your attitude I'm sure you are winning the war. 

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  19.  I know how difficult it is to deal with an atypical child while trying to hold the rest of the household together. You are right in that it becomes everyones issue because everyone reacts to it differently. Your Princess is such a sweet big girl. You are doing really well. One day at a time and all that.  

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  20. Thanks Mel,I will get it for sure.

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  21. Wow that sounds exhausting... but similar to Connor's tantrums.... just worse.  No wonder you were feeling meh today

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  22. ai Cat! Strength to you my friend. I know what it's like with 3 small children - and especially when 1 is over-tired. You are a remarkable Mum - so even in the very very dark moments, don' t forget that, mmkay? We must DO coffee soon x x

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  23. I hope you find a way that works for you all...

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  24. It sounds like you are doing all the right things.  Hang in there!!! 

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  25. It certainly is a challenge and a half when you have a special needs child with neuro-typical siblings!
    Have you discussed a strategy with the kids as to dealing with these occurrences? Perhaps in future Princess & C should make themselves scarce until you can get L calm again- rather than trying to help- and then try to get back into whatever was happening when it started...?
    Strongs Cat!

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  26. Angel Conradie  The Princess and I had a strategy talk and she has chosen (wisely) to get out of the way. The problem is that she is such a natural people pleaser- she wants to do something practical to help. But I think she understands. C is just too young - he does not understand a thing.

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  27. Just scanning through these posts and so many familiar things to me - so thanks so much for sharing all this with me - I will take my time and read through it all in between work. xx

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