Friday 6 June 2014

Oh heavens! The fighting

So A and C are sometimes best friends, sometimes best enemies. They have always had the ability to totally get the other one up that ranting and raving path. They can disagree about everything. Literally everything! The one would say its a beautiful day and the other would disagree just to, well, disagree.

So yesterday afternoon they get into the car. Even before I have my door closed the first words fly! So we pick up L and for about 1 minute he gives me the rundown on his day. He has not even said his last words when the nastiness started to happen. About 500 meters on I stopped the car and ordered the two fighters out of the car to walk home. A starts crying and C stares in defiance. I open my door, open A's and order her out - walk around and does the same to C. Gosh the look I got from him! By this time A is hysterical and shaking so I let them back into the car - thinking that the lesson has been learned.

This morning we were not even out of the driveway! After I had to reprimand them twice at the dining room table. So we will have a family talk tonight - this has to stop. As I never had siblings these dynamics are a bit of a mystery to me. Because I can assure you that 10 minutes after the fight the two will be a thick as thieves and playing blissfully.

Help please! Any advice? And do your kids fight like this too?

18 comments:

  1. Believe it or not but my 1.5 yr old and 3.5 yr old fight and love all the time. I have got to the stage where I say "if you two want to fight go and fight in the room so I don't have to listen to it"...and they squeal "Yay, come Kala lets go fight in the room"......I am dreading the teenage years..smile

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. M, this made me laugh!

      I do the same - I don't want to see that - go kill each other in your own room. That usually stops them actually.

      Delete
  2. Mine are thick as thieves but now and again (it has escalated over the last 6 - 12 months), they do push and shove and pull hair and such. I just SCREAM, "HEY!"

    It got hectic about a month ago and one bit the other!!!!! (I will protect their anonymity on your blog but you can email me)

    let us know how the family talk goes.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I have no advise! I have tried it all - it doesn't stop them long term.

    I have one rule though - they both get punished if I punish because of fighting. This doesnt stop them long term but it does make them think twice when I threaten

    ReplyDelete
  4. I only have one child so it is not an issue, but I grew up as part of 4 girls. We did fight a lot but my parents pretty much left us to sort it out. No physical fighting was allowed and when we were older definitely no profanity.
    I do not remember the fights getting too bad...sorry no help from me. Maybe Bambi? If you do not have anything good to say, then do not say anything at all. That is one thing I still remember and try to keep to.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Yup, my two go between fighting and loving about a gazillion times a day. And exactly as you say.. sometimes its over nothing, other than to disagree with each other. Woah, that stopping the car must have given them the shock of their lives.. I often threaten this, but haven't done it yet :) As 1 of 4 siblings, it is completely normal.. my brother used to TORTURE me as far as I am concerned and he would say that I used to TORTURE him with my constant whining and following him all over and being a general annoying baby sister! For me, I manage it and make it quite clear that this is NOT on and not how we behave and incorporate the Bible and What Would Jesus Do type lectures. I also remove privileges.. like if a fight ensues over arts and crafts, I simply cut the fun activity out and then everyone suffers because the fun is over. After this, they generally co operate. If it's over toys, I just remove the toy so that no one can play with it. This usually ensures they share the next time. And if it's over something completely stupid like "i say the sky is light blue" "no, I say the sky is turquoise!" then I usually yell HEY, like Marcia and they know they must hush! Our fights have never gotten physical.. But for the most, I know I just need to manage my own irritation levels because I know the effects on them are not long lasting and this banter between siblings is normal.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I also remove toys etc and that seems to work well. But it's these fights over nothing that totally gets to me!

      Delete
  6. Sometimes I think kids fight just to get on the parents nerves! Hopefully the talk will make a difference. The good part is they love one another and that's any parent's prayer

    ReplyDelete
  7. It’s so frighteningly normal … I had a brilliant article that helped with fighting in my house – must see if I have it filed or if I can find the link again. Her suggestions worked a charm.

    Hang in there … it does get better, then worse, then better ;-)

    ReplyDelete
  8. http://www.parentdish.com/2011/06/13/stop-sibling-rivalry/

    ReplyDelete
  9. Haha, my folks did the get out bit with us once...and drove around the block for good measure! It didn't help.

    If it's any consolation I've sort of seen that when siblings fight like cat and dog they usually end up very close when grown up...and the ones that don't, sort of drift apart.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks my friend - I would love my kids to be close forever

      Delete
  10. Oy my friend. It was like that when I grew up too. And now we are all good friends.
    My kids go through the same thing. And it's really just to disagree and annoy one another AND their Mom.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Totally normal...with a few punches and kick thrown in for fun. I was one of 6 children...don't know how my poor mom survived.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Have no advise at all as mine are too small to be doing this yet. BUT I will most definitely refer back here when my time comes as I am sure it will.
    xxx

    ReplyDelete
  13. ha! i was one of 4. Alls fair in love, war and sibling life. mine bicker incessantly but not in the car…cos they know full well all HELL WILL BREAK loose! At home, they are banished to bicker where i cant hear them and ironically fighting out of mom's earshot is not nearly as much fun

    ReplyDelete
  14. We also had this same thing a few months back. It was the worst time ever and the more we tried to stop making them fight with each other, the more the fought. So we stopped playing referree and let them fight it out. After a few weeks, the fighting stopped. They sorted themselves out. I do hope that this was only a stage they went through because I can't go through that again.

    ReplyDelete

So what's on your mind?