Monday 29 March 2010

To all the single moms.

Every couple with kids have to make some decisions that will shape their family and themselves for the future. You have to lay down the principles to which your family subscribes. Religion, values and discipline. Part of this is the decision that being a parent does not exclude you being a person. The person with whom your partner fell in love with initially. Hunter and I made that decision a long time ago. The practicality to that is often a bit more difficult.

So it was that with my full blessing and encouragement Hunter left on Friday to guide a trail in the Pilansberg - one of the things that defines him and that I seriously love (and find very sexy by the way). And so it was that is was a solo weekend for me with the kids - which I feel is getting easier and easier every time. Actually it went relatively well apart from Saturday night and Sunday morning when the wheels came off - really hard. Found myself with two hysterical boys in the shops and just gave up. Just came home without what I needed to get done. And all was fine again.

It really boils down to a support system and good planning. I try to do the minimum apart from just being with the kids and keeping the basics clean and tidy. Nothing more. We go somewhere that they enjoy, we visit with granny, we play at home. We keep it simple. I leave the tasks to do, the baking and the organizing to weekends where I have my love to help me. Because believe it, I value him even more when he returns.

And then there's the support. Granny came over both days at nap time to give me a chance to nap with them. It helps tremendously. My cousin Ananda also came over on Saturday night and helped to bath and put kids to bed. Never mind that Little man L spent the night with us downstairs watching Paris Je Taime nogals, but that's the least. We had a lovely meal and great DVD to watch and a bit of company - he was so sweet.

Seeing Hunter come home on Sunday night, all tanned, smelling of the bush and bringing great stories just makes my heart jump out of my throat. Despite a very difficult bedtime leaving us with very little time for ourselves, it was great to curl up next to him and wake up this morning with the sound of rain. The first thought in my mind was what if? What if he did not come back? What if I had to face another week, another weekend on my own with the kids? Because that is what would happen if I was  a single mom and I did not have a supportive partner to share my parenting duties.

Single moms, I salute you. You are truly the heroes of the world. I bow down to you.

21 comments:

  1. I love this post...and the ability of partners allowing each other a bit of space. I know how much my DH loves his golfing weekends with our boys...and I love that he has this relationship with them.

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  2. Great post. Having being a single mom for 6 years, this post really spoke to me.

    I know now how difficult it is on your own, and value my DH even more for this reason.

    And i give him the space to be - just as he does for me too.

    Glad you survived!

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  3. I could not agree with you more. I know so many single moms, and i just dont know how they do it.

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  4. You are so right, single parents are awesome.

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  5. Jip- my DH and I also have our break-away sessions- and boy do we appreciate each other afterwards

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  6. Sounds like you two have a great partnership...

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  7. That is what I want in a partner! (I think that is what I have found in my partner!!!)

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  8. Being a parent is the hardest job on earth with no training. You feel very, very alone in this world without a partner who is in there with you.

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  9. My sister in law has five girls ages 3 to 9. She's a single mom. She has some support from family and friends, but mainly it is all her. She does an amazing job! I agree...during the week I'm like a single parent, but I'm not really. And I'm glad to have him to fall back on.

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  10. Single parents amaze and inspire me. What breaks my heart are those couples in which one "partner" doesn't contribute, emotionally or in effort, to raising their children. I'd think that single parenthood would be easier than that.

    My husband may be overseas half the time, but I always have a partner.

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  11. I know what you mean. I always have that "what if" everytime hubby is away from home. He seems to be coping better alone with kids.

    The bottom line is: kids are meant to have a set of parents. So all single parents need an award. They are made of steel. I love single moms.

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  12. It is very tough to not have our family nearby to help here and there, but we do have some great teachers at our kids school who will look after the kids so we can get away (for a fee of course). But I agree it makes a HUGE difference to have a hubby that helps out with the chores and the kids.

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  13. I was a single mom for 6 years. It was a great time (lots of lovey time for my baby girl) and a most difficult time for all the same reasons you mentioned. I try never to take my marriage for granted and I appreciate the help-mate my husband is to me every day. We went on to build a family of 5 kids! Your blog is lovely, I can't even remember how I got directed to it but, I'm glad I did. You take beautiful photographs. Come visit my blog sometime. It's a bit of a visit to the beach in Southern California.

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  14. wow...although my hubby rarely heads off any where other than routine errands, etc..that thought crosses my mind once in a while. We work so well as a team. I had a super busy week last week and he wrangled the kids by himself several times and I felt really bad that I wasn't there to help. Not that he can't do it, but because i know how much easier it is when we're both there. My heart and applause goes out to the single parents that do it all the time!

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  15. I often have to be a single mum (I call it "situationally single") when my HB is away with army duties. It gets easier with practise, but is still very hard when you know how much easier it would be if he was home.

    Then there's the times he is at home but doesn't help, and those are the toughest of all!

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  16. I'll tell you what, I have been living the "single mom" life for a while now and I am not loving it. I don't know how moms do it and not ever have the weekends to look forward to like i do, when Russ returns to us in PA.

    Glad Hunter got to go do something he loves and happy you had so much support while he was gone.

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  17. What a wonderful post!
    When John and I met, I was a single mom and he was a single dad. I think that's one reason we're so appreciative of each other - we know what it's like to be single parents, and it is really hard.

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  18. What a lovely post. I feel exactly the same way about my hubby and my mom, I'd be lost without them. Oh! of course my nanny as she is just amazing.

    I was single for 4 years and it was difficult but fortunately I only had the one child then :)

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  19. I agree! This is a timely reminder to me that although hubby's time is very limited, he is totally with us in his heart. I feel very lucky to have him.

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  20. You learn to pick your battles and you adapt.
    Thank you for the compliment.

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