Thursday 7 July 2011

Scenes form the Pediatric ward.

Last Tuesday I spent the day with the Princess in the Pediatric ward of one of our upmarket private hospitals. She mostly slept, sometimes puked, so I mostly sat with her, read and observed. And had a chat or two with some of the other parents. It is such a sad, but also positive place to be and the staff is more often the dedicated ones than anywhere else (apart maybe the NICU) in a hospital. I have in the past spent two solid weeks on separate occasions and 3 single day at 3 different hospital's wards so I am somewhat of a veteran. We even had the same head of the unit that I had when I spent a week there back in 2008 with Little man L! Even though (thank goodness)it has been 3 years since I spent time in one of these, the types remain the same:

The short term stayers
A first visit to the hospital and just for the day. Like the mom with the 7 year old boy who has an abscess that was drained.  They do not leave their children's beds for a second, but try to be relaxed although stressed. They make optimal use of the free coffee and tea station and try to get home asap.Carefully chosen gifts and distractions are brought along. Often mom and dad are there for at least a part of the day. They do not talk much to the other parents, they just focus on their child. When another child near them cry, they call the staff, or go into an isolation room (despite the notices) to console a child themselves.

The first timers
These are first timers not just for a simple procedure, but because their kids are really sick for the first time. They always try to get one of the mom's rooms, even though they might not breast feed any more (and I did get one for both my week long stays with the kids, but I was breastfeeding). They fully intend to stay with their kids every second of the day. Often mom and dad are there - plus other family members like grannies etc bringing clothes etc and hastily purchased gifts form the hospital coffee shop. On Tuesday this was the very young mom of a 3 month old boy who had bronchiolitus. She was shattered when he cried and cried while they nebulized him. Scared of the oxygen pipes. And never moved from his side. I think some 10 other family members came to the bed during the day. Once everybody has left and their child is sleeping, they might make eye contact with you and greet you. A sure sign of wanting to talk a bit about all this with someone that may not worry about their child too.

The "here by accident" ones
There are always at least one of these in any ward - just find the kids with the balloons, flowers and soft toys crowding the space. Often they broke and arm badly in a sports match or on the playground, or something of the sort.  The older the patient, the more the clutter and visitors. These are generally the noisiest patients too and they may pop out now and again to see friends (not allowed int he ward) in the hallway, crutches, wheelchair and drip stands and all.The parents have friends popping in often and they do not tend to mix too much with the other parents unless it become a long term stay, in which case they become first timers.

The occasional veterans
Here I count myself in - it is those of us who have had more than one stay with a kid in the hospital - possibly this one, but maybe others. We are good chart readers and maybe know some of the staff, who might or might not remember us. We know that the staff is crucial to our child's well being and am as help full, but persistent as the occasion calls for. We already know about the tea and coffee, but also realize that a few minutes of quiet in the coffee shop while your child sleeps, is like balm for the soul. We also know that the coffee shop delivers if needed. We know that sometimes it takes sooner to get meds there if you go to the pharmacy yourself. We know some of the doctors, some of which were on stand by when our kids were there before.On Tuesday, our paediatrician was surprised to see us there, only to learn that we were there for the plastic surgeon and not for her. She still stopped for a chat and asked out about all her patients and had a look at the Princess. We are the talkers, the consolers of others. We ask about the other kids and tell our tales if called for. We know how the channels on the TV work and that sometimes silence is golden. We come armed with colouring books and a book for ourselves to read plus a magazine, for those times when you simply can not concentrate. And a laptop - to catch up on work. Because sometimes you just do not know how long you may be there. We know that sometimes you sleep over and sometimes you don't. Moms and dads and sometimes other family tend to spend some time together, but to do a bit of a "tag" to allow the other some time off.

Long term veterans
These are the really sad cases, with the most upbeat parents. The cancer kids, the kids who had multiple operations to correct birth defect etc. The staff knows them by the name and does not call them the pesky "mommy" or "daddy". The parents who read charts with confidence, who have the coffee shop in the lobby's number on their phones but rather go downstairs to have some quiet time. The ones where the kids own an ipad or a portable DVD player. They look relaxed in the most dire of circumstances and generally are one parent at a time only with the child. They know that track suit and jeans are more comfortable that anything fashionable.

New veterans
The newly diagnosed parents that will become the long term veterans. They have already picked up on reading charts and lots of clever looking professors pop in during the day. The sadness is overwhelming. It is all so new, although it has sunk in that this will be part of their lives forever. Tuesday I met the parents of a 3 month old boy who was born with a cancer growth on his liver. He has seen 9 doctors in 6 days and had his port planted in the day before so that chemotherapy can start soon. The mom's eyes are swollen - she says that she is done crying - now they need to move on. The dad is positive and was so worried about our little girl that really, was just nauseous. Maybe it is a coping mechanism - reaching out to others while your child is so desperately sick.. My heart just went out to them and I find myself remembering them in my prayers long before the list of others start.

I truly hope that we will spent as least as possible time in one of these wards, but  it really is, to some extend one of the places where you will see the very best of human kind. Strangers offering to make you coffee, to bring you something from the shop. To offer advice and just share in the temporary togetherness of a not so happy occasion.Humankind in its best form - united to protect our most precious, most vulnerable.

20 comments:

  1. I am definitely a veteran. Thank goodness an occasional one. I don't miss those days with my Toddler at all. I guess I went through the first-timer phase. And I used to find the hospital coffee shop a bit noisy/busy. I used to get a takeaway coffee and go and have it in my car. Much more peaceful and quiet.

    Awesome post.x

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  2. I am definitely a veteran. Thank goodness an occasional one. I don't miss those days with my Toddler at all. I guess I went through the first-timer phase. And I used to find the hospital coffee shop a bit noisy/busy. I used to get a takeaway coffee and go and have it in my car. Much more peaceful and quiet.

    Awesome post.x

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  3. Very glad to hear it!


    Love, Debi

    twitter: debi9kids

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  4. a Daft Scots Lass10 July 2011 at 14:46

    I am in the same catagory as you.  With Megan being born prem  I know my way around the NICU and Kaylin being the smallest full term baby on the fekking planet, her first hospital visit at 3 months with pneumonia and after that at least 3 or 4 times a year until she was about 2 and a half.  Then all the Aspergers therapists and hearing specialist, ADD specialist...

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  5. I don't like hospitals.  In the last 2 1/2 years we've had 4 separate occassions where either myself or Ethan has had to be booked in.  Thank heavens its never been anything too serious or something chronic.  I pray we never have to have another hospital in the near future again.

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  6. debi9kids  Thansk as always - she is doing so well.

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  7. @2310b73e207969ef4b48b29ddd6ad027 I really have so much respect for the parents of cancer patients

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  8. @526350ebf642a2873ae5bbb618e71f90  So true my friend.

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  9. I so remember becoming a "new veteran" in 2007.  But then by the time we became "long term veterans" things felt much much more manageable.

    I really feel for the parents whose 3 month old was diagnosed with cancer.  Mine was nearly 4 when she was diagnosed, but at least she was old enough so we could explain what would happen, she was able to understand when she wasn't able to eat breakfast because of theatre and she could let us know when she felt scared.  A baby would not be able to understand what will be happening.  And how do you explain to your baby. 

    The thing with the dad is most likely a mind-set.  A choice to be positive, to not focus on the negative, an acceptance that this is what it was.  We made the very same decision right at the start.  There was no point allowing the "what ifs" to take over and quite frankly it was like a prison sentence looming ahead of you with no option of early release.  It was what it was.  So getting all wrapped up in the negatives was just going to bring us all down and we owed it to our daughter (and her 3 month old sister at the time) to stay as positive as possible, to be strong, to keep things as normal as possible.  So we chose just to focus on "now" and "today" and just putting "one step in front of another". 

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  10. Wow Cat you are really the pro!  This post took me back many years to when Wynand was in hospital for a month...and we nearly lost him.  I never left the side of his bed when he was in ICU.  As he started getting better, I remember that when we prayed for him (aloud) the other people in the wards would also ask us to pray for them.  It was an incredibly stressful time but also a time of incredible blessing.

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  11. Cat, this was so artfully, and caringly composed. Wishing Little Miss a rapid recovery...and all of those with whom you came in contact these recent days, Strength and Peace.

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  12. LOVE your post!! Can so relate to what you've said, and not only from first hand experience, but also from reading blogs around the world

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  13. A truly insightful and moving post!
    I hope the Princess is better soon.
    XX

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  14. I'm like you, an occasional veteran. Although, I don't handle situations well (ie when Teddy collapsed in the ER doorway) I go into panic mode and sadly, because of knowing Tuesday & Gia, I assume every ailment is cancer :(
    This post made me teary and I stopped while reading to say a little prayer for all of the families you mentioned and of course, for your sweet girl.

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  15. Very true.  We've only been in the pediatric ward with Phoebe once for a blood infection she got from a cut on her finger.  It was really quiet there as there is a huge pediatric hospital nearby that we chose not to go to as it was a simple 5 days of IV antibiotics.  But I'm a veteran of the NICU and this brought back memories of when I would go down to the coffee shop during nap times for the boys.  I was the one mostly there while DH worked.  Going to the hospital was my job for about 1/2 of my maternity leave with the boys.

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  16. @e0e489fc4ec6017f073ed0a9e8f2241a  The nursing staff are really special people. Glad you go back - I am sure they appreciate it.

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  17. I loved your post! And agree totally - we had some of that in the NICU (do you know we go back every time after we see Dr S to say hello to the NICU nurses with K & C and we'll go again tomorrow :)). The one-nighters who were there permanently, the in betweeners (3 days) and then us, the veterans, who were hardly ever there together and were the most relaxed and at ease of all the parents :) those ladies were so good to us!

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  18. Nice post! I am crying for the 3 month old with the cancer! :-(
    Now I know who to contact when in hospital ;-)

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  19. It is most definitely like you say. You find the most kind people in places like these, the hospitals. 

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