Monday, 4 July 2011

Zzzzzz, an update on the sleep issue & the Prental bed issue

When I was pregnant with the Princess, amongst other myths I felt I had to believe in, was the one of never sharing the parental bed with your child. Stupidly (or maybe just stars in the eyes), I proclaimed that our bed is our bed, and not to be shared. With her it actually mostly worked out - she has always loved sleeping in her own bed and in her own room and must be one of the world's best sleepers. Even now, when she is sick and I want her close to us, she prefers to sleep on the mattress we keep in the room, rather that between us. But some times, it is her biggest comfort - like the night before her operation when she snuggly slept between us.

Que in the arrival of the twins. For the first few months, it actually went fine. When sickness struck, I (at first reluctantly) gave up our parental bed and shared it with them. Later followed sleep training and they mostly slept in their own beds. Or we slept in the extra bed in their room. Now, with them having big boy beds, and L's sleep issues, things are rather changed. A few weeks ago when we had 3 sick kids we just abandoned the parental bed - we let all 3 the kids sleep in our bed and we slept on the double bed mattress that lives below our bed. For that period of time it was actually a life sleep saving plan. Through the Princess and my time in the Berg, Hunter and the boys shared the parental bed and the next two nights we moved them to the mattress and us back into our bed. And eventually last week, them back to their beds. Since than, sleep has been rather scarce again - C seem to wake every night and then wakes up L. But the last two nights C has slept though in his own bed and L comes to our bed, to get in and quickly fall asleep again. In fact, he even moves to the mattress so we are (possibly) moving on.

Last night was a horror night though - the ones I describe as epic sleep failures - but due to our second, more specific sleep issue. Regular readers might remember me telling about how Little man L wakes up and then can not go back to sleep for anything between 1 to 4 hours. It is exhausting, Last night was one of those. But we have only had 3 of those in the last month - compared to about 3 a week before, it must be positive.

A while ago the sport teacher at the Boys' school told me that her 16 year old son also have SID and that he describes that, up to today, he wakes in the middle of the night, his mind racing and body aching. It immediately made sense to me that this is what he is experiencing. We wriggles around (body sore?) and speaks and talks about his day (mind racing?). Her son first slept through at age 6.

The weighted blanket we bought at great cost does not seem to be our answer as it is for a lot of SID kids. So I resorted to SID forums and the rest and the word "Melatonin" kept popping up. It has also been suggested by US bloggers but all the pharmacists I talked to did not want to try it on a 2 year old (which is when I last enquired about it). So I called our pediatrician. who asked me for a day to research and called me back the next day, giving me the go ahead on 1mg per night. And it has made a difference - not that he sleeps through - he still wakes up every nioght and crawls into our bed, but that he does not stay awake for hours (barring the 3 odd nights in between). So despite the tough night last night, I remain positive that we are heading for better sleep times. It just better get a lot better soon.

So do you share your bed? Do you believe in the parental bed?


  1. This sleeping issue sounds so much like Kiara. She would wake and chatter and chatter away for hours. Also only stopped when she was 5.

    I am a firm believer in my bed is my bed. Managed it with both the big kids BUT I would sleep with them (well mainly Kiara) in her bed. At her worst sleeping she did spend a few nights with me.

    David and I both feel Jack needs to be in the cot and apart from the 5am feed he does stay there. The few times in the day when I have let him sleep in the bed with me - he actually kicks me off!

  2. Ai - I really feel for you... I am not good with sleep deprivation. You deserve a gold medal... and a decent nights sleep. I pray the Melatonin continues to work for both you and the small person x
    With regards to bed sharing... we have never had the kids in our bed. When they were tiny, I was too scared to put them in bed with us, and then they were never in the habit of it. But Mel is right.... I can't see a teen wanting to share your bed, so its not forever :)

  3. We also never shared but taught the kids that they could come sleep on a matress next to our bed if needed. I hope you guys get ore and more sleep soon!!

  4. I'm with you. I don't share my bed at all but hubby tends to want to share it with the kids, sometimes. The thing is that we own a double bed and with us two and a kid in between, it can get crowded. 

  5. We definitely don't share our bed with our kids.  They both sleep in their own beds.  From the start they have been in their own beds and in their own rooms.  There was a brief period when our girls slept in the same room (with bunk beds) and because the younger one didn't always sleep through I found she woke the older one up at times, but we are now back in a rental where they don't have to share a room. 

    In saying that though, we don't have any specific issues we are dealing with and apart from the odd nightmare, my kids are good sleepers though.   Except the time when my oldest was on chemo and she would wake up all hours of the night because the steroids made her feel extremely hungry - we used to leave a snack pack for her next to her bed after she fell asleep so that if she woke up she could help herself.  That worked for us.

  6. I believe that our bed is our bed. But I also believe in doing whatever you need to do in order to get some sleep. My Toddler slept in our bed until about 22 months when he eventually started sleeping through. I then moved him and he battled. Eventually I realised that he simply doesn't like sleeping alone. So now, I put him into his bed and about 2.2 seconds after I turn off the lights he crawls in with his brother. And while my Tween is not complaining I am just leaving things and will not fix what ain't broken.
    Seriously. Do whatever you need to do.xx

  7. I'm in favour of whatever solution gets me the most sleep. With Nicola, even from the start she did not sleep well on her own. It was the difference between waking up every half an hour or once a night for roughly 5 minutes.

    Granted, if I had another person in the bed to worry about like a husband that might have been an issue, but it's not. ;-)

  8. I would also what works for you.  When Wynand was 3 and I started working again...he climbed into bed with us and I believed it was what he needed at the time.  At the moment we have Lukas getting into bed with us in the middle of the night...Oupa just lifts the corner of the blanket automatically.  Then they both snore me out of bed;-)

  9. i am with Marcia - i do what works. as it turns out my kids have generally always preferred their own beds. but seriously? ever heard of a teenager sleepng with their parents? nuh-uh.

  10. laurakim  Gosh no, I can not wait until 5!

  11. @2d86dc04f5c869a3093a8e131c592672  Thanks my friend.

  12. I believe in whatever it takes to survive, seriously. And I do believe no-one who has a good sleeper will ever understand that sleep deprivation when you want to KILL you are so tired.

    Sweetie, do whatever it takes....

    A miracle happened the other morning (Sat) when Connor woke at 5:30 as usual (sadly they are both early birds) and then crawled into our bed and fell asleep. They don't like sleeping in our bed and do you know what? it was LOVELY to have a warm snuggling little boy.

  13. We've never shared our bed with the kids.  There are odd times that I would go climb into their bed when they've been sick but they are both very restless sleepers who love to kick so that idea is thrown out of the window within a matter of seconds and then I'm back in my own bed. 

  14. I believe our bed is our bed, but I can say that because I have a sleeper who prefers her own room.  If I had a different child and had tried different solutions then I might feel differently.  I need my sleep so if that is what works then I say go for it.  Just after Baby OL was born my pediartritian said that his advice to new moms is to stop with the guilt and go with what works for you.

  15. We're OK with sharing our bed if someone wakes up in the middle of the night, usually from a bad dream.  If DH is out of town, sometimes I let our 10yo daughter sleep with me.  I like the company.  Other than that, everyone seems to like their own space.

  16. Sjoe.  As i've said before i'm not sure how you cope without the sleep - but I suppose one does what one has to.

    Our bed is our bed.  The kids climb in in the morning or sometimes before going to sleep, but that is it.  Dean is a light sleeper and if there was a child between us he would not sleep.  I too, do not share my bed easily.  Luckily for us, it has worked as both girls have been in their own rooms since Day 1 and slept thru from 6 weeks.

    Hope that the melatonin gradually starts to work better and better.

    And my prayer for you and H is a good nights sleep tonight.

    Much love xxx

  17. I believe in sleep! Period! So if we can all get in some sleep, I will do it anywhich way! :D
    I tend to go over to the toddler's bed and sleep there. If she is between us, no one of us have any blankets left ;-)

  18. The only time Aaron sleeps in our bed is if Paul is away.  He never asks to sleep in our bed either...
    Glad the sleep stuff is getting better for you guys!


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