Tuesday 29 May 2012

Dealing with disappointment

Way back in standard 4 (grade 6 today) I was chosen to sing in a State Theatre Opera production of Othello. It was a huge honour as we were hand picked by the Opera's conductor and musical director and we practiced for hours.Then came the big day when we were taken to the State Theatre to be measured for our costumes and to practice with the cast. We got on that huge stage and the Prima Donna was standing with us to sing our bit (we were children taking flowers to her) and as the director looked at the scene, he yelled "stop" and took me off the stage. Yes, at that age I was head and shoulders taller than her and would most certainly not have worked in the piece as a child taking flowers. It was the end of my brief singing career and I also stepped out of the school choir at the end of that year. Not only did I feel I was too tall but also that I could not sing. That somehow, the two were connected. I fully intend to handle and see that disappointment is handled on a better level with my children. And yes, I realize that one can not always guard them from others and the realities in life, but our family's motto of "I think I can I'll try my best" is what have to carry us through the joys and the disappointments.

And so the Princess met her first big one on Friday. It was the long awaited mini netball tournament. My, they were excited. It went so well in the warm up.
They were ready for their first (and only ) real game of the season. And then we as moms found out that the school they have been drawn to play is one of the schools that starts in January and have had 8 games under the belt. But we somehow hoped that it will go well. And yes, it did not go too bad, they  only lost 0-3, but the issue is that the ball NEVER go to my Princess - you see, being the tallest girl in the team she plays goal or assistant goal,  and on Friday it was goal. She was stuck in her little circle with nothing to do - the bane of many netball goal shooters - you are either very busy or very bored. The picture below is the closest the ball got to here - once in the whole game only. Clearly waiting for it, but they lost it while passing it to the assistant goal (HD) in the picture. The frustration was great, the tears after the game endless. Despite being asked by her coach to please play again next year as she is her best goal, the tears just did not stop.
We were both hungry, not having had a "real" lunch but she refused to have something there, so we hopped in he car and stopped at the first convenience food place - a KFC just across the school. As we waited for our lunch and the obligatory ice cream to follow, the tears stopped and she started talking. Turns out her biggest disappointment was not being able to show me (and me telling daddy) that she can indeed play netball. After I assured her that I knew she can play and reminding her that she was asked to play again next year she cheered up and after a hug and a re assurance that I am in fact very proud of her the smile that I love so much appeared again.

Oh my heart broke for her -I know how much she was looking forward to this, but I also know that we need the disappointments in life to grow. It is how we as parents handle them that will determine how they deal with it in time. I do not think that it has put her off sports though, seeing as she is very eagerly starting with mini hockey this afternoon...

19 comments:

  1. It's amazing to be reminded that all that's really important to our children is our approval and for us to be proud of them!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That is exactly "it: Sharon - to an extent we CAN controll it because it is about how we are proud of them regardless.

      Delete
  2. I think that this is one of the most difficult aspects of being a parent - helping them deal with their losses and disappointments in a way that will encourage them to continue to try to do their best.

    Sterkte and continue doing what you are - because it seems to be working :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Ah precious little thing....!!

    ReplyDelete
  4. I detest seeing disappointment in my kids eyes and will do almost anything to avoid it. I know I'm protecting them for life's lessons but it just breaks my heart!

    ReplyDelete
  5. I have to agree with Shayne and Sharon. Good on you for dealing with it so well:-)

    ReplyDelete
  6. Aw shame man...I think you dealt with it all very well. She'll get her chance to shine, I'm sure of it. What a pity you didn't get a chance to sing, have you ever thought about joining a choir now?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I did sing in my 20's but think it will take a lot of practice to get the voice going again.

      Delete
  7. I really do know how your princess feels like. Playing netball myself when I was in school, I too was chosen to play Goal (of hulp doel) because of my length. Situations like these also made me leave the game frustrated and near tears. I begged for another position every year but it was denied due to my length. It sucks big time. This resulted in my not playing in High School. So unfair.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Oh man...breaks my heart...

    ReplyDelete
  9. darn blogger ate my comment but I said I got all teary at your conversation with A - you are an awesome mom!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Awww, she just wanted to make you proud. My heart melts! There really is no easy way to handle disappointment is there?!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Ah man. Poor baby. Hugs for her. And you.xx

    ReplyDelete
  12. Shame! I think we feel worse for them... I hate it that they have to go through it!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Interesting ... because of my height I was always chosen to play goal defence (although I was A WHOLE LOT taller than all the girls my age). I tried out for shooter and I could shoot well but there was always another good shooter and nobody else quite as tall as me to harass the other team's shooter.

    I think you handled it so well. She just wanted to please her mum and dad and now she knows she'll get her chance. One day they'll be the strongest team and she'll be kept very busy at her end of the court.

    ReplyDelete
  14. This makes my heart so sad - disappointment is a real downer.....

    ReplyDelete
  15. Aww, I'm tearing up here ... I how sad for you and how devastating. I'm sorry the Princess did not get to show you her skills ... extra cuddles and ice cream are in order.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Poor thing. I was always the tallest girl in class too, but I was awful at sports. But I was always in the back of pictures, UGH! And couldn't get a date to save my life in high school. Phoebe is extremely tall at her age. She's almost as tall as me and she's only 11 years old. So far, no effects other than having to really pay attention to her posture more when figure skating.

    Hope she gets to play more next time.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Oh your sweet girl!! I was always so competetive and tough on myself, too. I can already see that in my daughter, too. she's going to be so feisty but so critical of her own abilities already. Just keep trying to encourage and remind her its about trying to have fun and being healthy!

    ReplyDelete

So what's on your mind?