Monday, 4 August 2014

On labels and much more.

Do we really ever know if we are doing the right thing for our children? Are we at any time 100% sure? I really do not know but what I do know is that right now I am 100% sure of one thing. I am 100% sure that it will be the right thing to move L to another school, out of main stream and can we say it, a Special Needs school. We have applied, have been given an evaluation date and I find myself praying every single day that he gets in. Because it's just simple to see that there can be no other way.

It's hard to admit that your child can be classified as "Special Needs". On the one hand you try to make sure that you do not see your child different than you have always seen him. Your love for him will never change - your dedication will never be less. Maybe it will be more. On the other hand, with every tag or label that has been hanged around his neck, with every diagnosis or confirmation thereof I feel we are moving forward to do what is in the end the very best for him. Not for me, for the family or for anyone else. For him. I am one of those that feel that a label is the start to making the most of countering what we expect from that label. The label is not a restriction - its a help towards a solution.

I often question myself as to what I did wrong. Is it my fault? Could I have done something different with the pregnancy, was it medicine, all those nights of very little sleep he had? Would it have made a difference if we changed his first OT earlier? Did I blindly believe people and should I have seen more? Honestly I have to just block these thoughts out and believe we did the best we could at the time. We had no experience in anything out of the neuro typical child. Because milling over them will make no difference for him, it will only be fraying my fragile nerves.

I am so very positive that we are moving in the right direction. And no, admitting he has special needs is not losing a battle, it's not losing your dreams for him, it's not admitting defeat. It's moving to make the very best of what he can be, of pushing up your sleeves to continue with the battle, of having hope in huge quantities. We will not treat him different than how we treat the other 2. We will fiercely fight for all 3of them.He may just need our fights more often, our patience more frequently and our love in more ways than the usual.

He is such a wonderful little boy. He has so much charm and so much love to share. Sometimes it breaks my heart when I see that he is not coping 100% with the day or the situation. This morning breakfast was a huge hurdle. He had so much trouble to pay attention to even eat his food. Other days it is the opposite.  My hope and wish is that we will see less of this and more of the twinkle in his eyes when he enjoyed a day, when things came together and he had a great day at school. Although there are days when I verge on feeling defeated,  I very often have so much hope for him.

We are moving on with hope, and positivity. And holding our thumbs that he gets in where he needs to be.


22 comments:

  1. Accepting that you are raising a special needs child is a very difficult hurdle for most parents - and I think doubly so when your child doesn't have a visible, physical disability.
    Very nice read.

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  2. Holding thumbs that he gets in too!

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  3. Thank you for sharing this. I think, as moms, our first reaction to everything that is "wrong" with our children is, "is it my fault?" Admitting your child could be special needs is a brave move, and I hope everything works out with the new school.

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    1. Exactly - we try to find the fault in ourselves

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  4. A very brave and positive post. I am proud of you and the way you are handling this. Remember, my darling friend...that you are always in my prayers xxx

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  5. You have to do what will allow him to thrive, and it sounds like you're doing it.

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  6. I am very sure that you never take any decision lightly and always have all your children's best interest at heart. Xxx

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  7. Hi Rina,

    I'm sure you are doing the right thing. Its hard and of course all the questions and normal. I think you are showing just how much you really love him and that accepting him where he is is the ultimate expression of your love for him.

    So many comments, but just know you'll see him thriving.

    Be strong sweet lady - He has you, you boy and this entire situation in His hands -so you know you won't be going wrong.

    Wendy

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  8. It must be very very difficult! I do believe you are making the right decision!
    Thinking of you!

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  9. it's so evident that you want to do what's best and at the end of the day that is all you can do...and this just means he will get attention tailored to his needs and you can never go wrong with tailored attention, I say :)

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  10. Dit moes die moelikste besluit vir julle gewees het. Ek hou groot duim vas dat jy aanvaar word by die skool en dat hy baie beter doen. Sterkte.

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  11. Special post this. I can see the love. I can feel the guilt. But it really sounds like you are doing all you can.

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  12. Rina, I get excited about where Leon is going. It takes a special kind of parent to prepare a special needs child to be well adjusted in life.

    Big hugs and holding thumbs xx

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  13. Rina, we are on a similar journey, side by side on different continents. I see so many similarities in what you write about both of your boys, and my boys. :-)

    I totally understand what you mean about labels - we are in the same place. Some labels can be helpful to get services etc. and I worry about others' views of the labels getting in the way of what my boy will accomplish in life, due to others' incorrect impressions of his capabilities/aptitude. I would love to hear more about your decisions, diagnoses etc. on the private blog if you are comfortable sharing. Thanks for opening your heart. :-)

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    1. Would have loved to hear more

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  14. wow, what a journey you've walked from a few years ago to here! now! I love that you say the label is getting him all the help he needs. Too true!
    xxx

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  15. Yes, we do the best that we can at any given time. Pointless to look back because you can't change the past. Focus on now and what is to come! xx

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    1. Thanks Di - I stand in awe of all you do

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  16. Rina you are an amazing mom. You always have your kids backs - all of them especially L. You do what you believe is right for him and if others don't agree well,... frankly who cares? You know your boy best. You. No one else.

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  17. So well put...I have two little boys, a year apart.The oldest has special needs - with the youngest in Grade R and starting Grade One next year I've decided to start my in a special needs school next year as well.I think its the perfect time for my oldest as i see he hungers to be amongst other children.I'm glad they allow the nanny to go with as he is 7 and doesn't talk.

    You are a brave mommy and im so happy to have come across your blog

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