Monday, 16 August 2010

And the first person voted out of Survivor...

This weekend has been brutal. I feel outnumbered, outplayed and outsmarted. By my kids and life and general. I would not survive my own little suburban version of Survival much longer unless we make some changes. Or rather, just implement the changes that both Hunter and I agree on fully. I need to find myself again because at present I feel that I am not the wife I need to be, not the mom I need to be and also not the person I need to be at work. Most of all, I do not feel that I am the person I need myself to be.

You see, I am a person that needs my own space and time. It's not a luxury - it's a necessity. Hunter is much the same. It's not that we do not want to spend the time with the kids, or each other. It's just that we feel ourselves somehow left behind, caught in that ever present little wheel that the hamster is running on. If this is a result of our personalities or the fact that we had our children so late in our lives is a debate I would rather not have. So we give each other the time and the chances, but sometimes in the hectic rush of life we even forget to plan this release for ourselves. Like this weekend. Purely by chance Hunter managed a small bit of what we call "Time Out" - but it was not planned. I never managed the whole weekend. From next weekend, this is about to change. In actual fact, maybe weeknights are the first step too.

It's more than just finding time to go for lunch with a friend, or doing your hair. Or the once a month Book club, although that is something that brings me great joy. It's also about getting my groove back - finding something that will excite the inner me. My horse riding really did not do it for me any more. It's not enough. Maybe I need to find something creative, maybe the early morning Zumba class will do it for me. I really do not know right now. Give me some time on that.

And now I am not even touching on the fact that we desperately need time together alone as well. We need to find a time when we are not both just so tired and run down that we can almost not have a proper conversation. Such is life I guess, but we are surely going to try and cheat the inevitable and live life according to us.

19 comments:

  1. wish I could call a Time Out. I have KK up my ass like a tail from morning until night.

    Its exhausting!!

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  2. Its really tough going...one has to be the best wife, mother and then still be true to your own needs without being seen as selfish.
    We all in that situation or been there, so dont feel alone in this.

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  3. I agree with you. Time alone is necessary in any relationship and me and hubby have an arrangement for this. He gets 3 hours alone time every 2 weeks as well as myself. This 3 hours are bliss because this is the time we use for alone time in whatever we decide in doing.

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  4. I soooo get you!

    Sounds like your reserves have run dry.

    Can you pay Lucy to come in on a Sat morning or afternoon to give you a breather?

    Since we started doing that, I'm addicted to the time! It's money well worth spending for some sanity.

    And to the other commenter - it doesn't make you a bad mom - it makes you a better person to recognise your needs.

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  5. The rat race we are stuck in...
    I find us stuck in it as well! Stuff like colouring my hair and painting my toes go out of the window.
    Is it possible to balance all?
    Or should we just accept that life with LOs makes it very difficult for a couple of years (my thinking!).
    Let us know what you decide! :D

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  6. My life radically changed this year when I put structure in place to get the time I need.

    I need space alone EVERY DAY, at least one hour. So I am HIGH MAINTENANCE but my kids are bigger than yours.

    Ito of couple time we are using babysitters regularly. Although we are going out quite a lot at night (at least one evening a weekend) we still LOVE our fornightly Saturday time. We asked our domestic to come in every second Saturday to give us the space to do our own thing....during the day when we are not exhausted.

    It must be incredibly difficult working fulltime and managing a family. Take courage, you CAN do it but just need support; put your thinking cap on!

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  7. Sweet Cat---I can completely empathize. Working full-time has been a mental (and bodily) drain I did not expect, but it IS an inevitable/unavoidable for us as well.

    Think one thing that has helped me has been the intentional infusing of the seemingly mundane with import---e.g. the datenights on the sofa, the reading in bed before sleep...the occasional solo grocery excursion. I cannot alter my responsibilities, but I can endeavor to adjust my perspective on them...does that make any sense?

    Wishing you peace and happiness and rejuvenation!

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  8. I loved reading this post because I'm also a person that needs time for myself. I need to reflect, think things through and I like to plan. One of my sometimes terrible vices! I've been doing a lot of soul searching this year; already made many changes and wrote about it a little bit on my birthday! There are still many to come. I think most people struggle with this every day even if they don't talk about it.

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  9. I can relate. I need a break from everyone desperately

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  10. Oh boy. I hear you loud & clear. We love being mommies, but we need to be adults too.
    Hope you find something to make you feel fulfilled.
    (((HUGS)))

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  11. There must be something in the air...I had one of those days this weekend - just felt locked in, disconnected with friends, disconnected with my hubby, overwhelmed for a bit by life's responsibilities and lack of time for me and what I want to do. Thankfully a few things brightened my weekend and I was able to get away for a dinner with a friend and have plans to meet other friends for lunch this week. and sadly...all this came while I was still off work...scared to think how I'll feel in a month after I'm back to work for the school year!!

    Hang in there and hope you can find that time you need for YOU before you reach your breaking point!

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  12. Shame skat - I hear you and feel your angst.

    You need to sit down and make a plan. Be more 'routine-orientated' with the kids and don't let them pull the 'you work all day so you have to let me stay up late' card. Be firm. Stand your ground. Schedule time out into your diary and stick to it.

    Get a babysitter in over the weekends. Leave them with your mom. Make a plan darl. Otherwise you're going to implode!

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  13. I don't have children (yet) but I know how you feel. At the moment my life is - wake up, get dressed, work, come home, cook dinner, bath, sleep. I need to make time for my fiancé and I to reconnect after a long day. I need to make time for me too. I hope you find the perfect balance, though I know it will take some time!

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  14. i sooooooooo feel you on the alone time. why is it that it's always the alone time that gets sacrificed? (ok, i KNOW why, but please god can i have some more alone time?)

    chin up girl, it has to get better some time. xx

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  15. Thank you for verbalizing your thoughts and feelings. It is wonderful to know I'm not alone in how I sometimes feel but never can find a way to express. Please know I'll be praying for you to fin that inner person and excitement again soon.

    We all need to listen to ourselves so we can be all we need to be for our loved ones.

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  16. If you lived here I would have offered to be Ouma for a weekend now and then...my kids do it...they leave their little ones and take a break.

    Hope you get something sorted soon.

    xx

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  17. oh sweetie - I hear you! on so many levels. Could have written this myself. Little kids are demanding and all consuming, and it makes us forget ourselves as individuals and as couples.
    Take time out with your hubby... do it! Now. Do whatever you have to do to do it! I know its what me and my hubby need. I also need "me" time, but don't often get it :(
    Maybe we should meet for coffee and maak n plan, ne?? ;)

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  18. Catching up on Blogs posted while I was sick....Yikes!! and *HUG* I can *totally* relate. I need time for myself as well. I sincerely hope you find your groove. I like your groove. :)

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So what's on your mind?