or I can talk about how shocked we are to hear about another couple in our group of friends heading for divorce. Somehow talking about the hectic term will be way easier. However I feel that I need to say what I need to say about the topic. I am in no way more equipped that the next person to talk about it and but somehow I feel I need to. I also do not mean to criticize anyone that has been through a divorce. We all have circumstances no one else may comprehend
Obviously there are times when divorce is the only way out. I am sure for everyone the conditions may vary and some of us may be more stringent on them than others. To me it boils down to a promise I made before God to love and honour our bond. However two issues will always stand out to me as real reasons to consider divorce - violence should never be tolerated and cheating and broken trust can be very hard to repair. I for one would be devastated but counseling should always be an option.
I just feel getting divorced is too easy, too lightly taken these days. The fallout always land with the children. I am certainly not more knowledgeable that any one else on the subject but we are heading for a happy 13 years this December. And yes, it has not always been moonlight and roses, unicorns and rainbows. We have been through pretty tough times - some induced by one or both of us, but mostly thrown to us by what life brings. The honest truth is that these issues will be in every single marriage. Be it that one of you work so hard that the other feel ignored, or that the inclusion of children brings a feeling of loss in what you had in the marriage. Be it financial hardship or family involvement. There are so many issues - one can really not even start to define all.
Although one would be unrealistic to forget that a successful marriage requires a lot of hard work, dedication and sacrifice from both partners I do believe a very basic item is often forgotten. Its simple: Who and what in that person made you fall in love with them when you first saw, touched or kissed them? Very often it's not exactly beauty that will fade. What was the initial attraction? If it was their infectious laugh, maybe you should laugh again - together. Maybe it was the wonderful conversation you had - maybe you should talk more. Have more fun together, get to know each other for the person you were and still am. Find the magic once again. Because it is still there.
We chose each other - years ago for the persons we were. And still am, deep under the childcare issues, the work hardships and the stress life bring.