Tuesday, 1 September 2015

A mom is only as happy as her unhappiest child.

Last night A had a little breakdown. Tears, really ugly crying. Gut wrenching sobs. That cry that you are not sure how to actually address because even talking to her does not seem to make any impression. So I just held her. And once she calmed down a bit we talked.

It is her busiest term and I do think she is a bit stressed at the moment. Once the drama Eistedfodd is over on Friday and the Speech festival on Wednesday she will have a big load off her shoulders. It is also the last test in the series next week. I am sure for our little A type personality life will look a bit easier in general. And yes, there are some things we can do a bit different at home - maybe we do not use the right words or tone at times. But the big issue is the absolute nastiness of the girls at school. What on earth is the problem! Why do the 10 year old girls suddenly change into little terrors? This is not a "one bully or group of bullies" issue - it is sort of the general thing. Is it the awakening hormones?

She is in a slightly odd class this year - a group of girls that have almost no friends among them apart from two BFF who landed together. And then it seems they have the sharpest tongue of them all in the class. As A said last night apart from 3 girls that are really friendly and 2 others that are ok the rest are nasty. And not just with her. This all made her question her intelligence, her personality and the way she looks. She felt stupid (with an aggregate over 90 % she surely is not), unpopular (she really has a lovely friendly heart that I have always admired and has a range of friends - but they are not in her class) and ugly (any of you who have ever seen her knows that is not true either). My heart aches for her. She is also a typical sensitive oldest child which does not help at all. She puts enough pressure on herself not to have any externally from other girls. She certainly feels she is not part of the in or cool crowd.

So how do we help her to feel better about herself? I guess we can just encourage. Make sure that she sees herself in a positive sense. Be stronger in herself. Make sure that she understands we and God loves her just the way she is. That she is good enough. We also have to encourage the positive friendships that are out there. Yes, we are maybe a bit slack with inviting other friends that her BFF over but they all have such busy programs. She told me this morning that she is feeling a lot better and was excited to take a little gift for one of the nice girls in her class that has her birthday today. I am hoping that the new courage and positive attitude will last a while.

Above all I am delighted that she talked to me - I think that is the essence of it. As long as they feel they can talk to us as parents I hope we can help them. I fear the day one of them may not talk to us.
In the air - day 1 of the challenge

On a happier note - it's the 1st of September - happy Spring day. I am joining Melanie in her September photo challenge - why do you not join in too?

21 comments:

  1. Awww Cat I feel for A and for you too. Had the same mean girl talk with loads of encouragement with a tearful Middle K the other day and my gut wrenched because she's an absolute darling. Not just because she's my child :) Luckily they have moms like us to talk them through it and provide plenty of hugs. Thankfully they open up to us. It's my biggest fear that the kids stop confiding in me.

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    1. So glad to know we are no alone

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  2. I remember going through something similar at this age. Girls can really be so catty and it so good that she can talk to you. I had the same relationship with my mom and it really helps.

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    1. I am going to do my utmost best to keep that relationship going

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  3. How fantastic that she talked to you. I think this is a phase that all us girls go through. It's horrible. I still remember going through it myself!

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    1. Maybe I am too old but I do not remember this phase so young? Or maybe as with a lot of other things it happens younger

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  4. Glad she talked to you about it.
    Oh word, how stressful. Hope that the girls in her class get friendlier, they sound like complete bitches!

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    1. Oh I did not want to use that word but it is spot one!

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  5. Ag shame man... So horrible. But so glad she could talk to you about it! X

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  6. Aw no. So sad when a child is unhappy! Perfect that you just held her and talked later.

    This bullying situation is so terrible, been hearing so much about it from different friends. How awful.

    I really don't have any advice, all these things still ahead of me. But sounds to me like you handled it all perfectly. Love how you say to encourage as much as possible.

    Good luck with busy term!
    xx

    http://jessv83.blogspot.com/

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  7. I want to slap those kids! But sadly, I think it's a girl thing with the raging hormones and the parents haven't taught them to manage their emotions and that it's unacceptable to be unkind.

    D and I had strong words with one of ours for saying something they thought was funny and we felt was unkind with another kid at school. I will not tolerate unkindness.

    Sorry for going mental - it's a hot button for me!

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    1. I sometimes wish I could slap them too....

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  8. Shame man...this is a very rough spot. I remember when I was that age I thought girls in general were just mean, with a few exceptions. I had 3 or 4 close friends...of which only one was in my school, nevermind my class...and for the most part I just hung out with a bunch of guys during lunch breaks. I really only started making friends with women again after school. Actually I only really started considering them friend potential again after my divorce!

    Good luck...

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  9. Aw man, poor A. The stress on the youngsters today seems so unfair. Was it like that in our day? I don't think so. Mum always said "Jealousy makes you nasty" and that seems to be the case with the girls in A's class. She is perfect just the way she is.
    It's good that you have built the kind of relationship where she knows she can talk to you. About anything. That is important. I thank my Mum for that also.
    Spring? What spring? It's been raining cats and dogs in PE since Saturday and today is supposed to have a max of 10 !

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    1. Yes, that jealousy makes you nasty thing certainly is still true

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  10. Ai Rina, I get so upset about this. With a 15y old and a 9y old I know too well what you and A are going through. Big hugs to both of you. I feel this is almost a daily battle we have to face, and deal with. The chats the 2 of you have is so valuable. xx

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  11. It's so hard to see our children hurting. I'm glad A is open to talking to you about what bothers her.

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  12. It scares me so much - I overheard two little Grade 2 girls the other day and I was flabbergasted about the dirt and nastiness that came out of their mouths. I actually told them if they want to talk like that, they should do it where I can't hear it because it is just not necessary!

    I can remember that my mom always said that a girl in Standard 7 is the meanest thing in the world. Seems although it now start much younger.

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  13. I'm slowly starting to catch up on my blogging - it's been a long schelpp getting back into routine and I have used most of my free time to sort out pics and put my photo book together (went in for printing on Wed, squeeeeee).

    I hate it when the kids come home so unhappy, especially when it's caused by nastiness. Kids can be so cruel to each other and they don't stop to think how they hurt one another. Most of the time, the kids who are the nastiest, are the ones who are crying out for love and attention. So glad that A has such a wonderful mommy to guide her through the tough times! She is gorgeous and perfect, just the way she is.

    Sue X

    PS. Hope the eisteddfod goes well today!!

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  14. Argh..it's so difficult being a kid, isn't it!! So glad she could talk to you about it, that's the best. xx

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  15. the title of your post is so true, but you're right, at least she talks to you about it...

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