I am such a whimp - and other Wednesday things.

I am ready to admit it - if I do not right now, I will never get my work done today. I am scared. I am scared beyond words to ride again.It was my first fall in 8 years but it is the very first time that I am considering not riding again. Ever. Since I started riding again in May 2008 I have never had a scare, a near fall or anything like that. But before that I had two BIG falls, one of which I cracked a bone in my wrist and a nice chunk of meat out of my right hand thigh - with the scar still showing. And I got back on again. Why this time am I so scared? The only thing I have left after a week and a half is a huge purple bruise on my left thigh. Is it because I was so sore - 8 years makes a difference on how you heal? Maybe, but I know that's not really it. In those fractions of a second that I realized I am going to fall, and fall hard, my thoughts were at one place, and one place only - my kids.Thinking what if.... and will Hunter manage on his own? Or if I get paralysed, how will we cope? Our friend Stefaan's fall with his para glider brought home to me the question of responsibility as a parent and although I am not into the dangerous part of horse riding, you can still fall - always fall, and the more you do it, the more your chances are. What about Christopher Reeves? And Hunter and I like a bit of adrenaline at times. Am I being silly?

A couple of weekends ago Hunter left the Saturday afternoon as the kids were napping to get some gardening stuff at the nursery. On hi sway there he saw a motorcycle accident that had just occurred and helped with CPR, being a first aider and former life saver. He also stayed to emotionally support the widow, whom the emergency services called and came to the scene. That's my hubby guys, as I have said previously, almost a saint. He came back home with renewed appreciation for our family and our time together - it has touched us both. And even more important for me, the promise not to buy a bike - something he has wanted for a long long time.

Now this leaves me with the question - am I responsible to ride or not. But right now, today, I am just scared. I can not handle the stress to go and ride on Saturday - it has awoken the anxiety monster who I though I had caged after last year's court case. Maybe I should just give myself another week.

So, for "Way back Wednesday" with Cheryl:

May 2008 - the day I started riding again.
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Playing with Angie for Wordful Wednesday...
and for the first time, playing along with Chris and many other 365-ers

Hosted by Chris

18/365:
I had a really tough afternoon with two of the kids falling apart in sobbing wrecks, but with Hunter's help escaped outside to find a subject. When I got back in to show him some ok-ish garden pics one of the sobbers just got himself together and insisted on me taking a photo which I just did to keep him happy...and giving me one of the best pictures I have taken of him ever.

19/365:
I decided that as a big part of my life takes place in the work environment, I will at times take my photography hat into the office. I had my first subject in mind - he is our retired partner and only comes in once in a while to his office - I think to escape his wife and feel important ;). At 84 years of age his mind is as bright as ever, while his skin tells the stories of a life well lived. He fought in the second world war, saw Apartheid come and go and actively fought for the rainbow nation. He lost his first wife to cancer at a young age and single handily brought up 3 sons. He is Jewish but shows great respect towards Christians. Someone to admire.

In future I am going to gather my 365 photos for a week and publish on Wednesdays to link to Chris on the Thursday. If you want to see my previous 365 posts, just click on the project 365 tag in my right hand side bar.