Growing up

As parents we face many many obstacles over which we need to lead our children. Equipping them to cope with the big old world out there.When they are the tiny little people we bring home it's drinking, learning to eat, sit, crawl, walk. Simple things that feels rather overwhelming at the time. As they grow up we think the challenges get less, and to an extend they do. But some challenges just gets so much more difficult to handle, when we sit with our hands in our hair, trying to figure out how to lead our children past the obstacles, some created by themselves.

Yesterday I watched my Princess participating in the English schools of Pretoria speech festival. Yes, she is in an Afrikaans school but they are one of two in the city which offers English and Afrikaans first language - a choice you make in grade 4 and hence, these two schools participate with the English schools in the festival. She delivered her little poem faultlessly and I am so very very proud of her.

 How doth the little crocodile

Improve his shining tail,

And pour the waters of the Nile

On every golden scale!

How cheerfully he seems to grin,

How neatly spreads his claws,

And welcomes little fishes in

With gently smiling jaws!

(By CS Lewis from Alice in Wonderland) 

She was followed by one of her best friends K who did so well too - she is a natural little actress and has a big sister that has been here before, parents that knows the details of the event, what the judges are looking for. (This is not and event co ordinated by the drama department but by the English department and we as parents rehearse the kids) Well our Princess got a gold+ - a wonderful achievement (with 2 other girls) - my heart burst with pride and joy. But her friend and 2 others that both have older siblings got gold++. The other 6 participants got golds. The adjudicator in her speech mentioned that the quality was exceptional and that she is astounded by how great the group has done taking into account that they are doing better than most of the English schools. And then my child cried. Cried because she did not get a gold++. Forgetting how great her own achievement was, she just focused on not being the very very best. All the other kids, even those that got gold were so happy with their achievements as they should rightly be, but nope, not ours.

I really did not know how to deal with this - we stress in our home that your best is good enough. That we value being a good friend and a kind and honest person more than being the very best,. She just cried and cried, not matter what I said. She refused to believe that she did well. Then we bumped into the drama teacher who asked why she was crying and consoled her and explained the exact thing I did minutes before, and she stopped crying - and actually smiled. I am really not sure how to deal with this - why does she believe her drama teacher and not me? Why is she so very hard on herself when we clearly are not? How do you keep the balance in teaching your children to do the best they can, to strive to give their best and be the best, but in the same breath teach them that their best may not always be the very best there is?

Being a parent is never easy, and I know that some challenges will get more (thinking ahead of teenage years to follow). But this one is tough for me to handle - keeping the balance of striving for your personal best, but learning to cope with the inevitable disappointment. Both Hunter and I had a talk with her last night but I think that we need to have another because I just today though of using the Olympic games as an angle. That silver is also great, a country wide achievement and that just participating is an achievement.

And so we learn with them - all the time.