Yesterday was one of those days

I have a situation at work. Well not at work - on a building site. It's one of those situations where it's not my fault but I need to make things work around the fault. You know, when the sh* hits the fan it spreads? When grown men shout and stomp their feet and walk off site like 3 year olds - you know? Those type of situations.

I spent 4 hours in the sun measuring out parking bays that a qualified person is supposed to be able to do by themselves - if they have only build the boundary wall on the actual boundary and not half a meter short - the crux of the issue. It's a domino effect of gigantic proportions.

Hence my planned books post never happened.  More books for next week I guess.
 
I came home exhausted and tired and just short of tears. To three pairs of embracing arms, homework all done and waiting to spend time with me. Offering to feed the dogs, asking me to listen to their flute practice and showing off full marks tests. Thank goodness to our au pair who helps so much.

Coming home was the best part of the day - and then when Hunter came home later even better. Good thing that when life is tough at the office it's great at home.

One of those big debates

You know those ones that always do the rounds that pitch mom against mom. The Csetion vs natural birth, the Whole foods feed vs porridge driven, the school vs homeschooling debate - one can continue. But the one that by far seem to get the most attention at the moment is the SAHM vs working mom debate.

Of course for most mom that work, this is no debate at all. We have to work - its not purely by choice but mostly our of necessity. School fees, the cost of living - it is simply too high. If you then have your own business or is a partner to one you also support all those that work for you and their families. Its a no brainer debate, because the option simply does not exist. Which makes me even more angry that the debate in the media is fueled as if we all have a choice. Add to that that I mostly really enjoy my work and would be a no good housekeeper and educator and the answer is clearly that I will remain a working mom.

But the holidays this week has left me with feelings I have not really had before during a holiday. It's the first one where more kids (2) are at home and only one have a good holiday school option. We enrolled them in the programmes of the sports they love and also in art classes which they both like but I did have to plan very carefully to get the taking and fetching done. I guess having the extra demand of my mom in hospital and her needs having to be seen to adds to it. Also, she has always been a help over holidays - at the very least entertaining a kid for a day or two and a sleepover or two which made it feel like holiday and special to them.

Now and again though I find myself thinking that it would have loved to be able to be a SAHM for the school holidays. To take them to activities and actually seeing them enjoying it. To do art with them myself. To sleep in and stay in Pj's for the day and watch DVD all day. To leisurely stroll through the streets with the dogs and feed the chickens. To go to the bicycle park and ride around. To go to a morning movie and ice cream after. To just spend more time with them. I wish I had more time - well in general too, not just with the kids. But unfortunately for a lot of us time is also money. Its a sad but very true reality.

So in this debate as in many others, lets be kind to each other, lets support. Know that the working mom would have loved to be at the netball tournament and the teachers birthday. Know that the SAHM would love a few moments quiet time in front of a computer and some grown up interaction and brian stimulation. Know that we each face our own set of circumstances. And know that once in a while the other side of the fence look a whole lot greener than your side.

The cloning thing

We all wish at times we could clone ourselves - mostly just to get done what needs to get done. At the moment however, I wish I could clone myself to give more one on one attention to all 3 the kids. Sometimes you just feel you can not give all that is needed at the specific moment. Clearly at the moment the Princess needs a bit more attention than she is getting. It may be her perception only and not the truth at all. But I do think it will be a mistake not to address it in some way. Friday afternoon she was a sobbing mess telling me that I must just go ahead and give the brothers all the attention as she is clearly not wanted. The typical "Nobody wants me" followed by the scary "maybe I must just kill myself or go live somewhere else" cry out for attention. After a good cry out in her room alone and a short few minutes nap she was totally happy again. But I got some more of the same on Saturday late afternoon and Sunday and Monday and this morning.

I know that Mr L has demanded a lot of attention this year - it has been a very tough adaption for him. Mr C has the talent to demand his own attention amidst Mr L's tantrum which is tough at that moment but possibly better release to the issue than A who runs to her room and distance herself. But sometimes he looks at me and his eyes shows clearly that he feels he needs a bit more. Those blue eyes can look a hole through your best intentions. I have to make sure that he does not quietly feel deprived as well.

There is also the issue that A is older and parties are mostly drop off affairs for her now and with the boys we really still need to go with them. I know that this is an issue for her because she dropped something about it- but she has to accept that parents are not necessarily welcome at parties any more. I also know that this week is tough with all the ballet and that she would have loved to have me at the netball yesterday but it was simply not possible. So I promised her I would be with her this weekend for the ballet - well most of it because I do want to watch the show too and I have to get the boys home on Friday afternoon. I know this is important to her because this morning she said "You can just drop me at the ballet, I am the big girl and I will look after myself. You can go to the brothers because they need you more"" in a tone of voice that says the right opposite. Followed by " I know you love them more" Oh my heart broke - did I really not give her enough attention or is it just her perception? I know this is possible manipulation but I can also see that she maybe needs this right now.

However the truth or not, I do think she needs a bit of love and care at the moment. I am no love languages expert but I know that quality time is important to her - by choice she always wants to make something with me, not get something or go somewhere. And words of affirmation - she lives for praise. Both of these are tough - the correct and enough attention especially one on one to 3 kids is never an easy task even with a full on board very attentive dad that really fills in wherever he can. He really goes the extra mile for use all. I have no idea how single moms juggle all this. We also try to stress the importance of being humble on our kids, but building self confidence at the same time. A very tough balance. Roll into this the forever working mom guilt of not being everywhere always.

So wish us luck in trying to break ourselves into 3 equal pieces which in honesty one can never do. But yes, a juggle on a balance thing.

I would love to know how you deal with this in your house, especially if there are more kids than parents in the house.

BTW I have decided not to do my photo a day on the blog any more - most are featured in my Project life posts anyways - I am still publishing on Instagram (catjuggles) and sharing on Facebook and Twitter so you can find them there. I have also posted my newest Project life pages here.