Wednesday, 17 October 2012

So the school thing.

As many of you may remember the school requested to evaluate Mr L at the school for submission next year in grade R. I was extremely stressed about this but the evaluation day went very well. It seems like my dream of all 3 kids in the same main stream school will come true. The school came back with an acceptance to grade R but with a proposal for us. They propose that we start him in grade RR to gain confidence in being the one that knows most in the class and to give him the chance to lay the foundation a bit better. He will then be moved to grade R when they feel he is ready for it. Hunter and I discussed it and really for him it was an easy decision to take them up on the offer. I feel very happy that the school and the headmaster and headmistress from the pre primary took the time to look at him and make an unique plan for him. Happy that they looked at him as an individual. Our OT agrees it is a good plan providing that they do not keep him in grade RR for long as she feels he might get bored. His current teacher feels the same

 However it almost implies that he will eventually go to grade 1 a year later than he is suppose to. Taking into account that he is a boy and a late baby for his year it is not the worst of it. The fact that he has apart from the SID/SPD issues also a physical disability with his eye and that the third that is blind most certainly will interfere with the crossing of the median and reading it seems a good decision never the less. They also proposed to evaluate Mr C at the end of next year to establish if he will be ready for grade 1 in his age appropriate year as often boys late in the year are not. At this stage his current teacher mentioned that she doubt he will not be ready.

So it seems as if our twins will not be in the same grade. I know that if Mr L was not part of a set of twins this would have been way less of an issue to me. I may not even have thought twice about it. But is makes me very sad. It breaks my heart to feel that he got the short end of the draw int he twin set. The kids watched the Princess' grade R graduation and concert the night before last and my only thought was that next year this time Mr C will be there - and Mr L not. Will he blame us some day? Will he be teased as he has been before because he wears glasses? Now he will wear glasses and have to do sport with the grade older than him. I guess we will have to cross those bridges when we come to it. And deal with it in a way that will keep his self image as high as possible.What this will do is force us to see them as the individuals they are - which have in any event been our mindset all along.

I have prayed a lot about this and I know that I have to push aside what I feel and concentrate on doing what will be best for him.I want to be excited for him, see him bloom the way the other two do. It may be a year later than his brother, but bloom he will. In a main stream school that we love, just one year later.


  1. Oh Cat, that is really hard...

    It could also end up being a good thing for him not to be in the same group as his brother? Could it? It's a bit harder to compare them that way I'd think.


  2. My hart breek vir jou, want ek weet hoe vreeslik moeilik die besluit is vir jou. Maar dit is die regte besluit. Dit is moeilik om 'n tweeling nie as 'n geheel te sien nie, en dit is wat nou gaan gebeur. Ek glo dat hy in die jare wat kom, vir jou gaan dankie se, omdat hy soveel makliker deur skool gaan kom hierna. Stuur vir jou 'n groot druk.


  3. Bittersweet post.

    I hear you, my friend. I am happy that a good solution was found - one that is undoubtedly in the very best interest of L, the individual. But I do feel your sadness.

    I don’t for one minute believe that he got the short end of the twin stick but I do understand why and how you can feel that way – I believe that with parents like you and H and the fantastic support structure that you have with the school and his therapists, he got the VERY best deal.

    We don't know what the future holds. HE may be angry with you (maybe not) but I am absolutely positive that he will THANK you for being a good advocate for him. Mail me if you want to chat.

    Much love.xxxx

  4. It's very difficult, I know. The best advice I have for you, it to deal with it as it comes and pray, pray, pray.
    I feel so sorry for you and your little one. One can't answer those questions that speak so loudly to one. Hope and trust that it will be okay.

  5. I agree...bittersweet. Ultimately I'm so happy to hear that you have a school who is supporting your boys as individuals.

    I love watching you parent (at least the snippet we get through your blog). I have so much respect for how you treat your children.

    Hugs to you, Cat. :)

  6. I totally totally get this post!!! Based on what I know now I would say let him stay back.

    That grounding is so so so important!!

    The emotional damage that could be done if he battles is greater than being "seperated" from his brother.

  7. I'm certain you and H didn't make this decision lightly and you only have his best interest at heart. I think the main issue is that many of us (me inclusive) sometimes forget that twins are two separate individuals who just happened to have being conceived and born on the same day. He might get upset with you one day about this (my prayer is he never will) but whatever happens everything you've done as a parent is to ensure your kids gets the best.

    Sending you lots of hugs and love

  8. Somehow things always seem to work out for the best. I think the most important thing is that your boy does not feel he is under pressure! Good Luck and well done on being accepted at a main stream school!

  9. Ai Cat, this is very hard.

    I haven't met your kids, so this is a little hard. (we should really fix that by the way!)

    First off I think the school handled it very well, they clearly have only the best interest of your child at heart.

    When I was in High School there was a set of boy twins and the one failed Gr 11. They were both very popular and lovely guys, but it was obviously very hard for both of them.

    I'm not going to say they won't be teased, because they both will, not just Mr L, I saw it for myself. And Mr C is going to want to protect his brother because that is what you teach your children: to look out for each other. And kids are mean.

    BUT, do what is best for your child and keep doing what you and Hunter do as parents and you will all pull through, I promise.

    For the rest: we will all be here to listen and help as far as we can.

  10. Mandy, she is a fantastic parent. I love watching her with the kids!

    Cat, I honestly believe its best for him. I often say to people that I think if I'd had same gender twins

  11. Although I am sure this is hard, I am sure it is the best decision for him, and would it not possibly be better for him to be seen as his own person in his own grade and not compared to and measured against his brother all the time. They are different and have different needs, strengths and weaknesses. Quinn repeated a year and has THRIVED since. It can be the best decision you ever make. Also I don't really know his history, but the fact that he is going to MAIN STREAM seems like a big achievement, let him ease into it slowly so that he can get grounded nicely and then fly!

  12. I am unable to comment on your blog from my iPad. Have you tried?
    So, commenting for the 3rd time here:
    It seems the best decisions have been made with regards the boys. I would have been sad as well! But now they would be less in competition with each other!

  13. Finally catching up tonight and getting to the post you emailed about.

    First off, I'm so happy to hear the school gave him the time and attention to look at him as an individual and suggest a very reasonable solution to the challenges he faces in school. More evidence why you love the school you have chosen. I also think its great that they are already looking at giving him time for him to build confidence and experience and are already thinking about moving ahead, versus just sticking with being a year behind his brother. That optimism is very good as it represents they are committed to helping him ANd that they see good potential for him with some support. :-)

    I can totally understand the emotions that come with knowing your boys will be divided in this way. We thought we might face a similar decision with our 2 last year in Developmental Kdg and regular Kindergarten. We choose to give them both (very young for their grade) that extra year and it made a HUGE difference for J and even that for S. But at the time, one administrator suggested we allow S to start regular K and keep J back that extra year. At that point, we knew J was not that far behind and could easily catch up and we also knew that S could use that year to grow emotionally. It did them both good and I'm glad we had the option.

    This year, they are in the same grade but different classrooms. I was nervous about that move but so far its been working great and I'm happy to hear about them as individuals and not as a unit from their teachers. I am actually looking forward to parent & teacher conferences to hear about them each in their own element.

    From what you've shared, I think this is a very good plan for what you are facing. Hopefully everyone will adjust well to the new arrangement and the school will continue to show the same respect and support for each child and help them all reach their best potential!

    Thinking of you and your beautiful children!

  14. Similar to Barbara Manatee, I can really relate directly to your feelings. We have both boys in a Developmental/Transitional Kindergarten class this year (they just turned 5 beginning of October). We knew that Al.ex was not ready for K and although Car.sten was academically ready (he is reading at a 2nd grade level already...), some extra time for socialization, sharing and fine motor skills would benefit him greatly. We felt that it would very obviously help one and couldn't really hurt the other to keep him back a little longer. I'm also thankful that we had the option to wait one more year, and had a program available to us that was appropriate.

    I don't think there is ever a "right answer" but you have to go with your gut. I'm really glad to hear that the school is looking at both of them as independent units... I think a lot of things will clear up as the year goes on and make your decisionmaking more obvious and the path ahead more clear.

    Keep us posted on how things are going! Thinking of you and your great kids.


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