Thursday, 19 May 2011

Just not really happy.

Up until yesterday, for the last few weeks since our holiday I have truly been feeling not happy. Really just not happy. My hubby and kids paid for it and I am sorry about that and plan to amend it. I can not explain exactly why, but so be it. I feel "mothered out". I feel absolutely unmotivated about my work. And then I feel like I have very little left but work and kids and hubby and home to take care of.

I know that Lucy being on sick leave and the mountains of washing is a factor.
I also know that Little Man L's very bad sleeping has both Hunter and me exhausted.
I know that his issues and us having to deal with them has put extra stress on the whole family.
I know that us having a tummy bug knocked us back.
I know that not being able to pick up the phone and phone my bud Hesti, fellow twin mom who has been there, done that, is a factor.
I know that feeling that I have very few "girl" friends left is a factor.
I know that the the lack of a support network is really a problem in our lives.
I also know that the dark wolf of depression is standing in the corner growling at me - and I know it is possibly stress and definitely season related.

Then a few things happened in the last 3 days that have started to turn things around for me.

I just could not find my ID and searching high and low really tipped me over about how chaotic things are in the house and how I really need to purge. I am starting on that today - in fact, did a small bit yesterday. I am already feeling better.

Hunter booked a facial for me on Saturday morning - bless his soul, and I am going to the hairdresser later that day. A pick-up for any girl.

In a month's time I am going to spend a lovely long weekend in the Drakensberg with my mom, my daughter, my cousin and my mom's friend and her granddaughter. It is going to be fun and relaxed and I am going to sleep. I have to thank my hubby for this.

Hesti emailed me - firstly giving me some advice and just telling me she knows what I am feeling. But also about her life now - and gosh yes, I am ok. She needs my support too. Amongst other things she told me what I knew - I need something outside of the house - an interest, where other woman are too. What, I need to decide but I have a few ideas.

My friend Elaine phoned me out of the blue for lunch today - it was so good to see her. So good to talk to her and to discover that indeed, she feels a lot the same.

I have also realized that no exercising is a huge mistake. I need those endorphins.

I am a bit of a "mars" person- I need to take action about things. I tend to procrastinate, and then, when I know what the issue is, I need to move ahead. So I am working on project "Be Happy" at present and I intend to make a list and work on it. For tonight, it will be to go to bed really early, but do one bit of de-cluttering somewhere where I can see and enjoy it.

My question is, looking at a few blogposts over the last week here  to name just one as an example, and it seems as if a lot of moms feel the pressure. Do you?


  1. Sorry to hear! I also feel the pressure! As if I cannot get on top of it all! We know all the answers, but it seems to hectic to get it going! Like exercise, good diet, alone time, sorting out the clutter, etc etc
    Keep us updated of that secret "ingredient"! (THere must be something?) ;-)

  2. I often feel the same way that you do, and I do not eve work full-time. I get so bugged down by everything that 'needs' to be done and then panic becoz 'what about me'.  but i'm glad to hear that slwoly you are emerging again.  Not having yr bff around makes a big difference, trust me I know that, but mail her as often as you can.  I know it's not he same, but i am just at the end of the telephone seee?  Much love xxx

  3. As awful as it may sound, I am glad I am not the only one feeling this way. For the last couple of weeks, I have been grumpy and tired and just not at my best. It almost feels like a great big burden of irritation is sitting on my shoulders and large doses of patience is required. Add that to trying to not drink coffee or eat chocolate, and  hmm, an explosion waiting to happen. I even went and did a cardio workout a day ago to see if I could lose some of the aggro sitting inside. It helped! for a night...!
    glad things are looking up for you, at least then in the midst of yukkiness, there is a light at the end of it:-) Sending you thoughts:-)

  4. @ae6f03a74be54924532f9e4a218581b4  Thanks my friend - would have been great living a bit closer to you too.

  5. Glad you're getting some Mommy Time soon.  Hang in there! 

  6. I'm so sorry to see you've been struggling like this, but it is also good to know I am not alone.  My spiral is such a Catch 22, but hopefully it will change and hopefully soon.  I guess if we don't have hope we have nothing, so I'm clinging to the hope it will improve.

  7. Totally! We all feel it from time to time. It just looks like your time is now:-( I hope it leaves you soon! 

  8.  It's hard fitting in a full time job being a Mom and a wife and all that goes with it! Hang in there! I feel like that too sometimes.  Glad you're getting some "me" time - enjoy!

  9. have certainly been through the wringer lately. I'm so sorry to see you struggling. For the record, I don't think that I would have been able to cope with lack of sleep and and and for as long as you have and still hold it together every single day.  I just know that I would have crashed and burned by now. I think that getting to a point where you admit that something is not working for you is the first step. I love that you are recognizing that this simply cannot go on and that some big changes need to be made FOR YOU.
    For what it's worth, I think you are a rock star. You are dealing with 3 small kids (including a set of twins of which one is neuro-atypical) AND you work full-time AND then you still take the best photo's ever!
    Hang in there honey. It will get better. It MUST.  I love that Hunter is being so very supportive. This will make ALL the difference.


  10. ((hugs)) sounds like H understands completely too.  Love that he's organised that facial! I think that Drakensburg trip sounds like an awesome idea!

  11.  Boy do I ever struggle!  Exercise does help.  That's why I keep going with that.  It's my me time.  But sometimes it just seems like it's easy to feel overwhelmed and then I get like you and start making lists, getting things done and checking them off.

  12. I think a lot of women/moms do feel the pressure, but I do feel that we get more overwhelmed if we think it is "just us" who feel that way.  I love the fact that as bloggers we can put it out there and often it empowers other moms who struggle to "say it out loud."

    Hope it gets easier for you.... xxxx

  13. Yep, you're definitely not alone. Mostly I feel like everything is going just great, but every now and then I have a bleak day where I feel like such a failure as a mom and as a person. I try to not think about those days too much.  

  14.  T_HWilson   I would love to get to know you - do you blog? Send link please.Thx.

  15. @sarah936 I would love to get to know you - do you blog? Send link please.Thx.

  16. Its Sarah from OMG There's Three. 

  17. I am so sorry that I only got to read this post now...I wasn't even there to encourage you when you felt this down...sorry my friend.

    I hope you are feeling better.

  18. oh yes friend...we have all been there...and go to that feeling quite often. Motherhood is full of pressure - mostly brought upon ourselves at times. I know life here is pretty good...but there are times I just can't escape the feeling that I'm not fully content. Things haunt me and I dwell too much on things. But we keep going and hope that we find understanding amongst others.

  19. We all feel it for sure! And finding something to do just for you is a good start to banishing the blues- as is decluttering!


So what's on your mind?