And by that I mean not just being tired. That I am too - the 3rd term is always long and tiring. I am however exhausted of all the fighting. It never stops! I did not grow up with siblings but I do know most have their fighting moments. However I am sure it does not need to be like this. I do hope that we have made a difference this week.
The fighting in our house in constant - with evenings being the high point of it all. That of course does not mean that it does not start with breakfast, and continues all the way to school at times. Well maybe I am exaggerating because it is interspersed with sweet moments and lots of love. But it gets to me - a lot! Trying to break up the fight by pointing out who is correct (if in fact one of them is) serves no purpose because I will often be accused of favoriting the other party - regardless if it is a plain fact and that I can show them the fact on google or in a book.
Although it seem to be mostly A and C , L the boys often have their issues and on the odd occasion A and L will have a spliff. But the fights that really gets to me most are the ones where it seems the fighting is about the will to fight - and nothing more.It actually makes no difference what the fight is about - I am of the opinion that they are fighting because they want to fight. Or, as I realized this week, because they are so used to fighting it has become a habit.
We are trying to break that habit - simply because I can not go on like this anymore. We had a talk to them on Tuesday night about stopping the constant fights. Yesterday I had to remind them a few times about our talk and every time they stopped immediately. I am convinced it is a habit we can break and although I am under no illusion that it will be the end of fighting I hope we can limit the fights to when they are needed.
Please tell me it's not just our kids.... please? And do you think fighting can become a habit more than anything else?
I don't have siblings in the house, but Little Miss constantly complains or picks fights with us in the late afternoons! Maybe it is a way to unwind?
ReplyDeleteBest of luck that the talk has helped!
Unwind never thought of that angle?
DeleteI really do think that it can be a habit. About 2 months ago one day Fjord said to me "I haven't fought with Acacia all day" he was so proud of this that he then made an effort for the peace to continue. Amazingly it did for about 2 weeks, then they slipped back into the bickering habit, but breaking it proved that it can be done. Lately their fighting has not been so bad. Aside from being a habit I think that in most cases it stems from jealousy in some shape or form.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the insight - we do need to break that habit!
DeleteI fought with my brother constantly. It did ease off, but only to blow up massively again. I think it could be an age gap, we have almost 4 years between us. And he and my sister fought often too, with a 3 and a bit year gap.
ReplyDeleteAlthough, now that we're grown, no fights are happening. So there's that to hold onto.
I hope that it eases - honestly
DeleteI think the constant bickering might be a habit? It drives me NUTS. DAILY. I try not to intervene. I only step in when I deem the behaviour is getting out of control. Mostly I just say... I do not want to hear it. Sort it out yourself...
ReplyDeleteI have to step in because it escalates so quickly
DeleteI grew up as one of four and there were many fights. We grew out of it. O think a lot of my fights had to do with space and privacy. Read Hettie Britz.
ReplyDeleteHave read her "boompie" book twice and yes, I does give a lot of insight. I am ok with A that also fights for her space and privacy - it's the petty bickering type fights that gets to me
DeleteI have one brother and we used to fight like cat and dog when we were younger. Through our teens we mostly ignored each other and now we are adults we get along so well.
ReplyDeleteSo I will hold onto that one?
DeleteYes, I do think it's a bad habit too. I want to throw in something else. I worked with two INTPs who (to me) fought all the time. I happened to say something one day , Gee whiz, can you two not stop fighting for two hours please?" and they both looked shocked - they said that was "sparring" and they both didn't see it as fighting - they were engaging intellectually, etc..... And then we mentioned it in a teambuild and the psychometrist did say that type seems to enjoy the mental sparring. FOR THE LOVE.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, ours also fight (read my comment on Laura's blog today) but Louisa's star chart is doing WONDERS in our home. I'm going to buy her a present soon :)
I grew up with 2 sisters and I remember my mom saying our teenage years were the worst for her...far too much fighting! While most of the fighting was just the normal sibling disagreements, we were known to have the occasional humdinger! I think fighting amongst siblings is normal, to a point. I think it could come to a point where, as you say, it's fighting for the sake of fighting. I really hope you manage to break the cycle of fighting! Megan xx
ReplyDeleteI also agree with Marcia that certain personalities just like to argue for the sake of it - my husband is like that. (He is enneagram personality 8 the boss, and I am 4, more feeling based). I think it helps to know about the person. Nicky also gets more argumentative if he is tired.
ReplyDelete